He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
