Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
