Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize