Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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