I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
