Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
