This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
