remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
