Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
