I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize