I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
