my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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