why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
