i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I will die if light touches me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
