Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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