your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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