He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
