I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
