Just cropdusted the office
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
