It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
