Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
