Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
