sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
