He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
