you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
