To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize