everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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