I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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