If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize