Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
