Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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