Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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