FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
