Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
