See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
