You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
