ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
