I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
