Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
