so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
