I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
