big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize