You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
