I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
