Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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