Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
