Having a random hookup so left but love u
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
