It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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