theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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