Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
