I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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