I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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