I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Another day, another engagement, another cat
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
