she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
