: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize