Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
