my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
