Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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