P.S. I can't hear my feet
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
