You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize