I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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