I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Bring me that man meat
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