so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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