I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
