Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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