i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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