I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
