Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
