Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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