You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize