Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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