Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
