my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
sex in a hospital.. check
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
