I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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