So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
