you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
