tell your sister to shave her snatch
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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