Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
